my name is syed jamal anwar and by profeesion I am teacher and belong to gujrat, Pakistan, from last one year I am in deep trouble. a local alam asked me that u are in this state because u did very bad with your mother, u are not good with her, he said god is giving u punishment, he not listen my problem but with numerlogy, he guessed these things about me., now I will tell you my whole problem, last year my mother my mother died, since than I am in great sin feeling, I will that I am very big siner, last year my mother fall down and her hipbone fractured, she came to bed and even cant go to wash room, me and my father take care of her, we use papmer for her and most of the time her and I put her pamper two times, I tried to take care of her, I was doing phd in Islamabad but I came to her to take care of her and want that when she will be better than I will again join the phd, she was cardic patient and also the severe patient of depression, she has no interest in life even she did not want to take meal, me and my father always force her to come back to life but she not co-operate us, some times I have to show aggression to her so that she take interst in things, some times I talked hard to her and some times I shout at her so that she will take some interest in life but some times I cant guess that what problem she have as she not told me clearely that what is happening to her. Some times I completely loose hope when she not co-operate with us, I am now too much repenting that I show aggression to her, due to this I have too much feeling that I did bad with my mother and I am siner. Her stomach most of the time remain upset, I gave her medicine for the cure of stomach, now I feel that due to the medicines which I gave her due to their reaction, she die. The day at which my mother died, I have very bad feelings, I will tell u in detail.
23rd may 2013. At 3pm my mother breathe start to broken, intiallity cant understand what happing, I took to hospital, her treatment started, I was standing with her bed and was praying that she will become fine, I have no feeling that she will die today and I was confirmed that she will be fine. Nurse asked me to go out as they want to do ecg of mother, I came out and praying that mother will get fine, after few minutes dr called me and said me that ur mother is dying and there is no chance that she will survive, as I heard that, I started to weep, I have a very strange feeling, my feeling is that it is good that mother is dying, she was so ill that today or tommrow she has to die, the grief which I have to bear tommrow I will bear today, than I also think that now I am free from the care of mother, now I will do my other things, after hearing that my over all feeling was that I was happy that mother is dying and after hearing that I want that mother will die, so that I will got free from her care, but all this feeling developed in me when dr asked me , there is no chance that your mother will survive, I came out of the ward and sit in hospital hall, still while sitting there I not pray for mother that she will survive, but I want that mother will die, dr called me and asked me that your mother is died, which I was wishing and in my mind it is coming that it is good that your mother is died, now u are free from each and every thing and u will live the life easily, these all feelings coming into my mind and I was weeping and weeping and thinking in that way. Utill I have not buried my mother I remained in that state and different types of feeling coming into my mind and I was weeping too much, after buring of my mother I came into senses and I feel that I loose a very big thing which has no compensation and feel that I am too much mean that I want that my mother will die, I feel very bad and due to these feelings I often think to do suicide because I feel that I am so mean that I have no right to live alive who want that her mother will die, all the times these thinkings came into my mind and I went into deep depression that how I can think like that for my mother whom I loved too much and for her I can give my life. I daily went to her grave for fatheih and forgiveness of the sin which I did, I have too much repeantness and since the death of my mother I remained unable to do any thing, my whole life is destroyed, I cant live with these feeling, I feel that god and my mother never forgive me, kindly guide me what I will do, I am finshing, I will wait for reply. Sir one thing I again want to mention that all that feeling developed in me after hearing from doctor that there is no chance that my mother will survive befor that I never think for my mother death and always pray that she will get long age. Now I also feel that I am so bad person that if my mother alive, I don’t know what I will do with her if she alive as I can think any bad thing, I have left no trust on me, I feel that I can do any bed thing, now I think most of the time that as I have to take care of my mother, so to get rid of her, these thoughts came into mind, now this thought also came into mind that I feel my mother a burden on me so I think I like that, but when she was alive I thought that I am taking very good care of her but now I feel that I did very bad with her, kindly help, I am finishing. I also feel that how much mean I am that I want that my mother will die so that I will get rid of her care, these thoughts finishing me, I am very big sin full person and I don’t know my mother and god will forgive me or not. These thoughts make me badly depressed, I feel that my intentions are not good towards my mother, now I think that I feel burden my mother on me because I take care of her so I want that she will die, I am badly depressed due to these thoughts. I think all this feeling devolped in me because I want to get rid from the care of mother so I want that she will die, this thought pinch me too much and some times I want to die and do sueside, I want that I can give kaffra of all that bad thinking and of my bad attitude towards my mother, I want my mother and allah forgive me, I think now that I not love my mother and feel her burden on me so these feelings came into my mind when she was dying, but when she was alive I always feel that I love her and taking graet care of her, in my opinion I am very bad son , I not take good care of my mother, but now I am too much repented and my mother gone and I not take her back and do her care and ask her to forgive what I did with her, time is gone when I realized that I did bad with her, kindly guide me what I will do. Most of time I feel that soon god will give me very big punishment yet god give me time and this time will finish any time as I am very big sinner.

, sir i loose confidence on myself, some times i feel that god and prayers of my mother are not with me, i feel that how can god help a bad person like me who wish that her mother should die so that he got rid of his care and want to live easy life, some times i feel that my soul is not there, it gone at that day when my mother was died, only my body is there, whenever i tried to do some good thing, it came into my mind no use u are very big sinner, i feel that i am very big sinner and all other people are much better than me because they love their mothers, i have no confidence on me, most of the time i think about deaths and always justifying in my mind that how i think that my mother should die. due to ur mail , i feel little relaxed. some times i got little better but some times these thoughts came into my mind so much that i remain unable to do any thing,

sir my father is with me, i am married since 7 years but i have no child, sir most of the time the events of the death day of my mother revolve around my eyes, i always feel that i was not good to my mother, some times i think that i not love my mother but i am afraid of god that he punish the people who not do good with their parents , so due to this fear i am always remembering my mother and think that i have not take good care of her otherwise i have no love for her, i frightened from god , these feelings i have most of the time, now i feel that every thing which i done in past is wrong and i was totally wrong. most of my time spent in thinking that how these thoughts came into my mind that mother should die and always try to justify myself that these are not my thoughts but than i cant beleive that these are not my thoughts,, i always feel that i did bad with my mother and i cant bring her back, when i was taking care of her when she fall down , i some time got angry with her and show aggrestion to her , i think at that time i do that for her good but now i think that my intentions towards my mother was not good, i feel her burden so i show agression to her, i tottaly loose confidence on me, when ever i will go for some good deed, i feel that a person who was not good to her mother he has no right to help any one, such person do any thing allah will not forgive him, i did very big sin, i loose my mother and my jannat, she loves me too much but i did nothing, now i cant bring her back and ask her to forgive me, she left me, and those people who are bad to their parents never find peace in this world, same is the case with me, my punishment is started and i deserve it,