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IslamQA: Answers about Islam and misogyny

Hey assalamu alaikum I’ll forward some messages here from previous conversations with someone who gave me worse explanations

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I broken up your question to address them individually.

there’s something called child support he pays money to support his family not to pay his supposed to be wife I feel worse about myself now so it’s true my actual purpose in life is to be my husband’s maid and sex slave?

Marriage is a contract between two equal partners. Your purpose in life is to do what is good for you and your family. You are not your husband’s property, maid or sex slave.

What about women’s shahadah(testimony) is half of men’s?

For this issue please see: Why men and women have different gender roles in Islam

Ok what about inheritance I know why is the man worth of 2 women’s value I know the reason but can it be applied in today’s world? And why does a daughter get only a part of her share if she doesn’t have a brother her share is taken by her fellow male family members ?

In the Islamic legal system, which still applies today, it is a man’s legal duty to take care of his wife and children. His larger share of inheritance is meant to help him with this duty. A woman has no such duty and her inheritance is entirely her own, while a man’s inheritance is divided between himself and his wife and children.

Ok how do I obey someone who’s not as smart as me?

It is your duty as a free person to choose a man who treats you the way you like to be treated. Islam does not force you to get married, and it does not force a certain type of man on you. If your husband makes unfair demands, you have the right to divorce.

The 4 wives thing isn’t really encouraged I know that but I heard that certain people are allowed to have sex with whoever they want like sultans.

Islamic law works to eradicate slavery and concubinage while tolerating it in societies that already practice it. For more on this see: Understanding Islam’s Sophisticated Approach to Slavery: Why Muslims Practiced Slavery in the Past, and Why They Reject it Today

And in surah al talaq there’s an ayah that proves pedophilia is halal I didn’t know that at all I thought they were referring to the pregnant al talaq verse4.

In colder countries women may not start menstruating until the ages of 16-18. Such women can still marry (including in Western countries) and they need this verse to tell them how to calculate their idda.

What about the eddah after the husbands death or after divorce why do I have to sit at home for 4 months and 10 days whereas he can marry the same day I died or the same day we divorce.. just think about it is having such authority possible in a mutual relationship?

One reason is to deal with the possibility that she may be pregnant. Islam does not want a pregnant woman to engage in sexual intimacy with a man other than the man who impregnated her. There may also be social reasons; society may function best when women do not immediately remarry after the death of their husbands.

Ok why is only him allowed to marry nonmuslim women and I not?

Because children are more likely to follow the religion of their fathers rather than their mothers. Muslim women married to non-Muslims are more likely to fail at passing Islam down to their children.

What about many and multiple hadiths that curse women who take care of their eyebrows, not wear hijab, the camel way of hijab.

Many of those hadiths are either fabricated or come to us from a single Companion, which means that they do not impart certain knowledge. You can ignore any single-Companion hadith that seems to conflict with Islamic ideals.

And tattoos are prohibited both for men and women yet only women with tattoos are the cursed ones.

The reason may simply be that only women used to practice tattooing at that time.

Men are still allowed to have 70 hoor al ain and not me. There me no equality there?

The 70-virgins hadith is not a reliable hadith. See Misquoting Muhammad by Jonathan Brown. As for women’s relationships in Paradise, we simply have no knowledge, and the vast majority of Muslim women are fine with the way things are. If you live piously you can trust God to give what makes you happy in the afterlife.

Also the same ayah that talks about the husband’s disobedience Allah says that we have to forgive him but if it’s us they have the right to degrade us it’s kind of degrading think about it it’s your spouse not your parent I searched about it and found some people saying that the verse doesn’t mean strike (hit) it means just ignore

God does not say to forgive such a husband, He says that the husband and wife should get arbitrators from their families to judge the issue. Regarding the wife-beating issue please see my essay: A new approach to the Quran’s “Wife-Beating Verse” (al-Nisa 4:34)

One last question ? If the husband doesn’t afford to pay his wife the obedience rule falls down right ? If I pay my own bills so we can be equal? I’ve always thought women are equal to men in Islam until I started arguing with many Islamophobes that sorted many of these things out to me I read about it I found they were true.I kept telling myself ofc there’s a hikma behind them and I just need to ask the right person.And I never had the courage to but now I did Look I really love my religion , I pray 5 times a day I’m a hafiz and I’m going to hajj this year so I really want to clear this up before I go.Look first I thought it’s just temporary thoughts and questions and I ignored them and now I realized they’re not just temporary as time goes, I feel worse about myself and I feel that women in Islam are less than men so that’s why I decided to seek answers

I think you are misunderstanding the issue of obedience. Your husband is not some lord over you who commands you. If he does that then you have married the wrong type of person. Your husband is your equal spiritually, and “obeying” him simply means that you do not do anything that would be a deal-breaker. You can make demands of him, if he demands something unfair you can tell him that, you can enlist the help of his family or your family, and you can threaten divorce. No Muslim woman should ever have to obey unfair demands from their husband or act like slaves for their husbands’ whims.

I live in Saudi Arabia and religious people there don’t believe in different mazhabs and they believe they have the right to continuously force me to wear niqbab or they’ll kick me out of tahfeez I really love memorizing the Quran it was my decision too but I just never read the verses regarding women in depth I’m sure there’s justice behind them that I don’t know about..I mean I rarely wore niqab there anyways look they’re not bad but they keep on talking about women in a really stupid way as if our purpose in life is to cover up from men because they’re some monsters or either please them after marriage .. other than that they’re really kind and good people

That’s entirely a problem with Saudi culture. If you go to the middle class of Iran, Turkey, Egypt or Malaysia, you will find that men and women are treated as equals and there is little of the problems you describe.

But there’s no Hadith that curses men it’s always women there’s even a Hadith حديث أبي هريرة  قال: قال رسول الله ﷺ: إذا دعا الرجل امرأته إلى فراشه فأبتْ فبات غضبان عليها لعنتها الملائكة حتى تصبح[1]، متفق عل that curses women who do not consent to sex .. can you please explain it? Because many people said Islam encourages marital rape what if it’s the opposite??

That’s a single-Companion hadith; such hadiths do not impart certain knowledge and can be safely ignored.

What’s the hikma behind this verse الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنْفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا Please a non misogynistic explanation.. do women have to hit slightly their disobedient husbands ?? And if no as expected why? He’s doing his responsibilities as a father he did nothing for his born baby other than child support so why does the woman have to obey them to the extent that he can hit her? I’ve even read hadiths that if women were to chose to prostrate to the sun or their husbands they should prostrate to their husbands? What’s so good about husbands and why are they that superior in this life and the hereafter?

Please see my essay: A new approach to the Quran’s “Wife-Beating Verse” (al-Nisa 4:34)

And God knows best.
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