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IslamQA: On distrusting people after bad experiences and heartbreak

Hello. Is it natural that we tend to have a distrust in people when we got our hearts broken over and over again because of their words or actions? I have bad experience by interacting closely and intimately with people in the past and until now, that I feel like I'd become a misanthrope at this rate. Do I have to avoid being close to people to not break my heart and be disappointed again, or do you have any insight for me to understand life and people even more?


Sorry about your bad experiences. We have two ways of responding to life’s hardships, including heartbreak. We either accept our fate and accept that this is the way the world works, or we reject our fate and grow bitter. The right way is of course to always work to maintain the sweetness of your soul, to always be loving, kind and open regardless of how others behave. This is how saints distinguish themselves–they always treat others with love and goodness regardless of whether those persons deserve it or not. Try to treat every person with a blank slate, as if you were created today and this is the first person you have ever met.

Reading the Quran daily is a great help toward maintaining the sweetness and innocence of your soul. Personally it’s hard for me to imagine how anyone could hold onto grudges, bitterness or hatred, it feels like such a terrible burden to carry.

Also see my essay: The Road to Maturity: On Dealing with Life’s Unsolvable Problems

Best wishes.

And God knows best.
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