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IslamQA: She fears no man will find her attractive

Salam. Lately, I just find myself spending a lot of time seeking validation from guys. Maybe it's just this age or hormones, but I get really scared that if no one finds me admirable or attractive, then I might miss out on finding someone, and these thoughts consume my mind for longer than I'd like to admit. Do you think I might lack the ability to form deep, meaningful relationships because I'm shallow?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Life is like being inside a ship piloted by God. Your task is to react to what happens inside the ship in the best manner possible. It is not your task to manage where the ship goes next. If you are God-fearing, He will take you to the best places. Each time time you are kind, generous and noble, you improve the ship’s direction. You cannot directly pilot the ship, but God looks at how you behave and respond to decide where to take the ship. If you try to be a saint, you will have a meaningful and wholesome life. God will take care of the details. Try to have a deep connection with God (such as by reading the Quran for an hour daily), and then when the time is right, He will choose the right one for you and will force them into your life whether you want it or not.

I don’t mean that we shouldn’t do anything to better our lives. We should do everything in our power. But the wider story-arc is in God’s hands, and if we are good, He will ensure that we will get good results.

Some people mistakenly think that since God is in charge of the world, this means that there is nothing they can do about what happens to them. In reality it is like a team project, you and God together manage the direction of your life. You do it by passing tests and trying to be the best you can be in any situation, and He does it by deciding what happens to you next based on your performance.

I have had that happen to me many times. My life would seem to go nowhere for years, and suddenly everything would change without my having to do anything. Pass the boring test of being a good person everyday and He will take care of making your life interesting.

And God knows best.
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